Aloha Politics

And finally, New Rule: Since President Obama seems to be having so much trouble defending his record on the economy, the next debate must be held in a mall. Any mall. It doesn’t matter. They’re all packed. There’s one not 100 yards from this studio, with dancing waters and a choo-choo train, and a shirtless gay kid out in front of Abercrombie & Fitch. The parking garage is always full, the Cheesecake Factory is working overtime, and Lady Gaga’s new perfume — with its delightful scent of blood and semen — is flying off the shelves at Nordstrom’s.

What I’m saying is, I know it’s campaign season, but can we all stop acting like the American economy is in complete shambles, where no one has a job or a place to live, and we’re all doing our laundry in the river? (wild audience applause)

Thank you. I mean, folks, I travel this country constantly, all four corners of it. And everywhere I go, I’m always standing in line for 20 minutes to buy hair gel, or batteries, or nipple moisturizer. Traffic is a bitch everywhere. Yes, there are people sleeping on the sidewalk, but that’s to buy an iPhone just like the one they already have! (audience applause)

It just doesn’t feel like Obama has ruined America. Republicans, you know, they used to talk a lot about this thing called the stock market, and how it helped not just the rich, but middle class folks, whose pensions and 401(k)’s depended on it. Well, now they never seem to mention the stock market. Perhaps, because under President Blackenstein, the Dow has doubled. Or as Republicans call it, “devastating economic news”. (audience applause)

Now, there certainly still is poverty in our country, but it’s obviously among the underclass that you don’t see — the very people that today’s Republicans couldn’t give a shit about! So I don’t understand why they’re all so upset about the economy. Except, of course, it’s their big issue. So they have to pretend that America is a rotting compost heap where people are eating cat food and wiping their ass with the pennysaver. (audience applause)

And weirdly, Obama kinda has to pretend that too. Because if he doesn’t, then he’s “out of touch”. So we all wind up living with this fictional picture of America that actually would be more appropriate for the year before Obama took office. Remember 2008? (audience applause) Yeah, I do.

That’s when Lehman Brothers collapsed, and the markets froze, and they were measuring GM for a pumpkin lot. And when you opened your bank statement, you saw the drowned Japanese girl from The Ring, and then you died.

And yes, I am saying we can keep blaming Bush for that. It’s the same as blaming rats for the Black Plague. Just because you’re sick of hearing historians say it, doesn’t mean it stopped being true. (wild audience applause)

George Bush left a flaming pile of dog shit on the White House steps, and now it’s gone, and Mitt Romney has a hell of a nerve running on the idea that “I’m going to fix the economy by restoring the policies of the party that destroyed it”.

12 million jobs. That’s what Mitt Romney promises. 12 million. A number that’s just… waaaaay up there. (reaches into ass to pull it out) Oh, there it is, wow! There it is, 12 million! (wild audience applause) Way up there! Hoo, boy, I feel better.

And about 45% of American voters hear that and say, “I like. Me want good now.”

People are disappointed in the economy? Sorry. I was disappointed in Prometheus. You don’t like the way the stewardess landed the plane after werewolves ate the flight crew? Stop electing werewolves.

That’s our show!

A select group of animals pose the greatest threats of passing on a disease to humans, including one that could become contagious. These creatures — whether wild, domestic or livestock — tend to be those close to us, both in terms of physical proximity and genetics.

“The closer a species is related to us, the greater the chance that a pathogen it carries can infect us,” says the EcoHealth Alliance’s Daszak. “You’re not going to die from a lizard virus, but you could from a mammalian virus.”

Common culprits include ubiquitous rodents, backyard birds and primates, the latter blamed for the introduction of HIV. Bats pose yet another threat.

“Bats are the stuff Hollywood movies are made of,” says Jennifer McQuiston, an epidemiologist at the CDC in Atlanta. “The fact that they can fly and migrate across great distances might mean they are exposed to more things that they can then bring back to naïve populations.”

By destroying bat habitats, humans effectively encourage the winged mammals to search for surrogate sources of food –- such as fruit orchards -– that are located closer to where large clusters of people live. Bats are an effective carrier for Nipah because they don’t suffer ill effects from the disease.

“A bat with Nipah doesn’t look ill at all,” says Daszak. “But the virus is 70 percent lethal to people.”
Go here for the full scary story: ‘Contagion’ Connections: How Links Among Humans, Animals And The Environment May Be Spawning A New Class Of Infectious Diseases

Full Story here: Updated – My Call to Senator Kerry – Not Reassuring
This is what

I identified myself as a resident of Massachusetts. I told the woman who answered the phone that there should be no cuts to Social Security, Medicare or Medicaid. She then read me a script saying that revenues have to be part of the package and that we have to make sure that Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid are solvent, and that there was a coming demographic problem with the aging of the baby boomers. So I told her that there was no problem with Social Security, and that Social Security was solvent until 2037. She then said that there was a problem with Social Security after that. Then I told her that this projection was based on an extremely pessimistic view of the US economy – that it would grow more slowly than it has every grown in the last century, including during the Great Depression. At this point, she decided that she couldn’t talk to me any more since she had nine other callers on hold. This, in spite of the fact that she answered my call on the second ring. She said I should send an email to Senator Kerry. I pointed out that Kerry limited the size of the emails he would receive, and she said that I could attach anything I wanted to the email. I told her that I had more to say and that she needed to listen to me. Then she hung up on me.

I was going to tell her the following:

1. Social Security is solvent.

2. Medicare and Medicaid would save enormous amounts of money if we had Medicare for all and could negotiate with drug companies on prices of drugs.

3. The top 1% of earners (over $450,000 per year) used to have about 8% of the total income in the 1970s. Now they have nearly 24% of the total income, and the top 0.1% has 11% of the total income. This is where the money needs to come from, as well as from increased corporate taxes.

4. I was also going to refer her to the comprehensive reports on Social Security and health care on the web site of the Sudbury Democratic Town Committee (sudburydemocrats.org). I even mentioned the web site before she hung up.