Aloha Politics

Go here for the full, hilarious story!The Real Romney

Romney was a precocious and gifted child. He uttered his first words (“I like to fire people”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal. …

Mitt grew up in a modest family. His father had an auto body shop called the American Motors Corporation, and his mother owned a small piece of land, Brazil. He had several boyhood friends, many of whom owned Nascar franchises, and excelled at school, where his fourth-grade project, “Inspiring Actuaries I Have Known,” was widely admired. …

There was, frankly, a period of wandering. After hearing Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side,” Romney decided to leave Mormonism and become Amish. He left the Amish faith because of its ban on hair product, and bounced around before settling back in college. There, he majored in music, rendering Mozart’s entire oeuvre in PowerPoint. …

Romney is also a passionately devoted family man. After streamlining his wife’s pregnancies down to six months each, Mitt helped Ann raise five perfect sons — Bip, Chip, Rip, Skip and Dip — who married identically tanned wives. Some have said that Romney’s lifestyle is overly privileged, pointing to the fact that he has an elevator for his cars in the garage of his San Diego home. This is not entirely fair. Romney owns many homes without garage elevators and the cars have to take the stairs.

Hey, maybe Hawaii should think about this prison industry thingy? Why, we could build prisons right next to Hotels and then the prisoners relatives could vacation in Hawaii whilst visiting their relatives. This sounds like a promising twist to our tourism industry. We could call it “penal tourism” you know, like “medical tourism?” And we could build special facilities for high end embezzlers and crooks who through their connections in the Judicial industry could get them assigned to a beach side prison, say on the big island or Maui? Hey, let’s call our representatives and have them get on it. We need jobs here too! Mufi, this sounds like it is the kind of idea you might like, like the Superferry you endorse!